When I opened the email from Stu which contained nothing but a forwarded link to an innocuous zoom link and a request that I please “try to attend the webinar today at 1 pm!”, I was a little confused but supposed that it was probably some information regarding the start of next season. Usually, he would give us a few days head’s up about things like this, but I assumed that maybe it had slipped his mind; after all, Covid-19 had certainly been preoccupying the thoughts of many. Besides, it was a webinar by the Director of Athletics– perhaps we were being granted the new locker room that had been rumored so we wouldn’t have to split time with both the tennis team and any miscellaneous visitors (yes, the squash team locker room was also the visiting team locker room.)

Imagine my surprise when the meeting started late, at around 1:03, was finished by 1:09, and also delivered a death sentence to many of the students’ most treasured aspects of the University. It was almost like a bad joke when the DA offered a lame, halfhearted apology– and it got even less funny when he said that the administration would be happy to help any with the transfer process, proving that the University truly had no idea what they were doing. For me, and many of my fellow athletes, playing the sport isn’t the only reason why I joined this team. It’s about camaraderie, about brotherhood, about building lifeline friendships, about having an older student that you know you can also ask for advice or help on homework, or a couch to crash on if your roommate asks for a private night in the dorm. It’s about the strength of the bond that only comes born through shared hard work, through 20 hours a week of training, through battles on the court, through hours spent trapped in a bus in the middle of rural New York in the midst of a snowstorm, through board games played on the floor in the middle of a Richmond Airport terminal, and so, so much more. And that’s only what I’ve seen as a freshman who joined the roster in January of 2020 as a fresh-faced walk-on, as someone who persevered after being cut after tryouts, as someone who felt that he had found a second family on campus. Together, we would wear that bear patch on our chests with pride, proof that our hard work, our battles, the broken backs, torn knee ligaments, ruptured Achilles, all of that, was worth it. Then, to have it ripped away in a moment, gone to dust, hurt.

It won’t be the same. It will never be the same. It’s disrespectful to Stu, our beloved coach who has given over 30 years of service to Brown, it’s disrespectful to the close-knit group of Alumni who came before us and who show up to every single match, no matter how near or far, and it’s disrespectful to the students, who are the lifeblood of the University, many of whom have dreamed since childhood, of being a varsity squash player for Brown. And while our family understandably struggles to produce titles in a League which holds 6 of the top 10 teams in the country, we have produced results! We were ranked 14 in the nation, and our best friends on the Women’s team were 12! Both teams have consistently ranked in the top 20, and recently the program was awarded most improved in the nation! All while maintaining some of the best grades of the various varsity teams at Brown, and producing more CSA honored student-athletes than all other Ivy League varsity squash teams. Either way, as Jacob Good, who will be a junior next year said, “it is utterly obscene that a university that prides itself on openness and learning would immediately switch to a results-based approach.” As it stands, this is a crushing blow, and I know that my friends, my brothers, my teammates, can agree that it is truly an utter shame that we will not be able to continue our excellence as a varsity program at Brown.

Julian Wambach (Brown Squash class of 2023)